Eternally 21: A Mrs. Frugalicious Shopping Mystery Read online

  “Whoa!” Tara’s cute, shaggy-haired, male companion said, somehow salvaging a drink and burger before they suffered the fate of the other items that splatted on the forest floor motif tile. “Epic save!”

  I quickly set down my tray, now littered with rice and noodles. I grabbed the burrito, a filet of fish, and a bag full of Heaven’s Bakery goodies before they were soaked by an approaching tidal wave of soda and ice cubes. “I’m so sorry!”

  “I’m sorry, too,” Tara said, albeit quietly.

  I handed Tara the triangular pizza box. “This slice should be okay.”

  Tara smiled, almost kindly. “Luckily, most everything’s wrapped.”

  “Except for the fries.” I shook noodles off the small pile of napkins remaining on my tray and bent down to collect a blob of sauce-covered French fries. “I’ll get a new order for you.”

  “That’s okay,” she said. “I have to hurry lunch back upstairs for Laila or she’ll have my head.”

  My heart, already pounding, threatened to explode out of my chest. “Some of this is for Laila?”

  “Most of it,” Tara said.

  “Oh dear,” I said.

  “A little squished food won’t hurt her,” the young man added. “She’s just going to scarf it and barf it anyway.”

  “Andy!” Tara said.

  “I’m just kidding.” Andy replaced the burger and drink on Tara’s tray. He looked at the wet mess on the ground. “But that was my Sprite.”

  “Let me get you another.” The pizza, burrito, fillet of fish, and baked goods alone seemed enough to feed all three of them, but if I remembered anything from being twenty-one and able to eat whatever, whenever, the French fries were the main course. I reached into my purse for a five. “And, I can’t send you back up there without the fries.”

  “Thanks.” Andy reached for the bill I was holding. “There’s no line at Steak Attack.”

  Tara looked relieved.

  “If we’re lucky, maybe she’ll choke on them,” he said.

  Tara’s eyes grew huge. “Andy!” she said, even more sternly.

  “Kidding again!” Andy smiled and disappeared into the lunch throng.

  “He is kidding,” Tara said. “Really.”

  “Of course,” I said, half-wishing I’d thought of the line myself.

  “He just doesn’t like Laila because she doesn’t approve of us going out.”

  “She doesn’t approve?”

  “Andy’s not on the management track at Gadgeteria.” Tara gazed lovingly in Andy’s direction. “And he doesn’t like that Laila has a problem with it.”

  “I can’t say I blame him,” I said. “For either sentiment.”

  Tara looked pained. “Laila can be … ”

  “A little prickly?” I offered, recalling Griff’s words.

  “Especially when she’s in a mood, which she was this morning.”

  “That’s too bad,” I said, with an admitted lack of conviction.

  “She really is good at running the store, though,” Tara added quickly. “We’re the top location in the city.”

  She had to be good at something for Eternally 21 to put up with that major divatude of hers.

  “And, I mean, she’s doing everything she can to make sure I get the manager position that’s coming up at the downtown store.”

  “Good for you.”

  “Still,” Tara said in a hushed tone, “I hate the way she acts sometimes. I mean, the way she had you dragged out of the store when we all knew you were—”

  Innocent?

  Mrs. Frank Finance?

  “I’m afraid it was partly my fault,” she continued.

  “Your fault?”

  “I should have made sure Hailey clarified what she did or didn’t see before Laila assumed the worst and went off like that.” Tara’s cheeks colored. “Then the security guard showed up and the next thing I knew … ”

  “I was paying for Laila’s bad mood instead of the merchandise I planned to buy?”

  Tara nodded. “I should have spoken up.”

  “I appreciate that,” I said. “But it’s really not your fault Laila overreacted.”

  “She’s just so … ” Tara’s voice trailed off. “Sometimes I wish she’d … ”

  “She’d what?”

  Food court clamor filled the silence between us.

  “I set everything aside,” Tara finally said without answering my question. “In case you come back.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say.

  “I’ll honor all your coupons,” she added. “Combined.”

  “I don’t know. The offer is tempting, and I truly appreciate your attempt to make up for what happened, but I can’t say I want to have any more trouble with Laila.”

  “You won’t. Laila leaves at twelve thirty to use the bathroom and then shops for the second half of her lunch break.”

  “Always?”

  “Every day since I’ve worked here.”

  “I’ll probably just go online and buy everything there instead.”

  “Mission accomplished.” Andy reappeared beside us with a fresh soda and an order of fries. He handed me a couple dollars and some coins. “Here’s your change.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “Thank you,” Tara said.

  “She told me what happened.” Andy flashed a loopy grin. “What a beyotch that Laila can be.”

  “Andy!”

  “Well, she can.”

  “Everything okay here?” a voice asked from behind me.

  Tara’s smile straightened into a tight line. “Fine.”

  “Doesn’t look so fine,” said the woman who appeared between us. Despite a somewhat severe pixie haircut, a definitely severe South Highlands Valley Mall forest green pantsuit, and a nametag—Nina Marino, Food Court Manager—she didn’t look anywhere near as intimidating as Tara Hu’s expression seemed to warrant.

  Nina grabbed a walkie-talkie from her belt. “Clean up in northwest food court quadrant.”

  “If you go to the website, you should definitely check out the comments section,” Tara whispered. “But, please do come back to the store.”

  Before I had a chance to say thanks or goodbye, Tara and Andy had taken off in the direction of Eternally 21.

  “Nervous Nellie, that one,” Nina said over the beep of her walkie-talkie. “No wonder Laila’s always talking about letting her go.”

  A janitor appeared with his rolling bucket, Nina stepped away to answer, and I stood there wondering to myself the same thing the janitor said as he began to mop:

  “What the heck happened here?”

  2. Travel-size toiletries are a necessary evil and are often priced accordingly, particularly at the hotel gift shop. Buy the TSA-approved plastic bottles and refill everything you can. Buy anything else when you use that $5 or $10 coupon for your total order at the grocery, drug, or discount chain.

  3. Weight loss and dietary supplements can be costly, so shop wisely, compare ingredients, and use coupons. If, like me, you are using them to diminish appetite as part of a diet and exercise plan outlined by your trainer, the benefits in terms of food not consumed can easily offset the additional outlay of dollars. That is, assuming you follow your eating plan and resist the urge to splurge.

  FOUR

  A few keystrokes and We Want to Hear from You scrolled across the display of my smartphone. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it myself. Not only could I express my displeasure anonymously, or nearly so, I could also commend Tara Hu on what could only be called exemplary customer relations.

  To Whom it may Concern:

  I was in your South Highlands Valley Mall store this morning. Since I was looking for multiple gifts and had coupons to factor in, I was removing items from the display, comparing them to each other, and consulting notes on a pad in my purse. While doing so, your manager, Laila DeSimone, falsely accused me of dropping earrings into my handbag. She called security and had me unceremoniously removed from the store. She also
felt free to insult me in the process. I was, of course, cleared, but not until I suffered the further humiliation of being dragged across the mall. I’m sure I’d never set foot in an Eternally 21 again were it not for the assistant manager, Tara Hu. She couldn’t have been nicer or more helpful before the incident and was more so afterward. She not only apologized but tried to explain Ms. DeSimone’s mistreatment. She urged me to come back in to pick up the items I left behind. I thought you should know about Ms. DeSimone’s method of dealing with customers, especially in contrast with Ms. Hu, who saved me as a future customer with her caring concern.

  Thank you for the opportunity to express both

  my displeasure and praise,

  A Once-Again Satisfied Customer

  Using my most anonymous mikefamily email address, I sent the note off into cyberspace. I would have gone home and called it a day, but Karen B. was depending on Mrs. Frugalicious to come through with what could still be a killer blog post. With Laila on her break and my grievances expressed to my satisfaction, really there was no good reason to let my reader down and not go back to the store and buy the items Tara had set aside.

  After all, I’d done nothing wrong.

  As if in confirmation, my phone beeped with a thank you for your comments email, complete with a code for a non-expiring 15% off any online future purchases.4

  With a few minutes to spare until Laila’s twelve thirty visit to the ladies’ lounge, I stopped into The Gap. I carefully noted the sale prices, selection, and size options on my notepad (but not until I was safely outside the store). Then I made my way into Macy’s. To make sure Laila had ample time to head off in the opposite direction, I lingered over a table of buy-two-get-one-free sequined tank tops. At 12:37, I walked out into the mall proper, passed Foot Locker, hesitated in front of Things Remembered to take a calming breath, and approached Eternally 21.

  I was greeted by an upbeat top-forty number, the word sale emblazoned all over the store, and a notable lack of Laila DeSimone.

  A worse-for-wear Barbie type wearing a Whimsies nametag brushed past me as I stepped inside.

  Hailey, the salesgirl in zebra print, met me practically at the door. “Tara told me you might be stopping by.”

  “So nice of her,” I said, noting my pile of jewelry and assorted accessories as she ushered me toward the register area. An equally familiar beverage cup and open pizza box sat beside them.

  “It’s a good thing Laila has us get lunch for her.” Hailey ducked behind the counter. “I’ll ring you right up and get you on your way.”

  “Tara’s not here?”

  “She’s in the back office.” She offered me a chocolate from the box of mostly wrappers beside the register. “Chocolate? There are only two left.”

  I eyed the rectangular one that was surely a caramel. “Thanks, but no.”

  “Take it for later,” she said. “In fact, take both.”

  “I shouldn’t.”

  “They’ll just go to waste. I’m allergic, Tara doesn’t want any, and Laila’s already eaten her fill for today.”

  “In that case, I’m sure my guys will love them.” I grabbed the two remaining candies, wrapped the protective paper around the top, and tucked them carefully in my purse. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” Hailey smiled and picked up a bracelet from the top of my pile. “It must be so totally awesome to have a husband that’s on TV and stuff.”

  “It is,” I said and quickly changed the subject. “So I assume the mall security officer was already here?”

  “He still is,” Hailey said.

  “With Tara in the back?”

  The door to the backroom squeaked open.

  All the blood in my body seemed to rush to my head as Laila DeSimone appeared.

  “And Laila,” Hailey whispered. “I’m afraid she never left.”

  There was no stepping backward, no turning and fleeing or otherwise vanishing during the awkward eternity of super-slow motion seconds that passed. Before I could coerce my voice or legs into action, Laila’s mouth morphed into what might have been considered a nervous smile. “Griff told me you don’t like to play the don’t you know who I am card.”

  Griff could kiss his tickets to a Frank Finance taping goodbye.

  “I really respect that,” Laila said in a far slower drawl than her clipped speech of earlier that day. “I can’t tell you how glad I am you came back in.”

  “I wouldn’t have, but for Tara. She—”

  “Ran into you at the food court.” Laila giggled, but her awkward attempt at situational humor fell flat, at least where I was concerned.

  “So to speak.”

  Laila wiped a bead of sweat from her brow as she glanced at my assortment of clothing and accessories. “I saved all your stuff, hoping you would come back and get it all.”

  “Tara mentioned that,” I said, unwilling to let Laila grab whatever credit she intended to take for poor, put upon Tara’s foresight. “She really went above and beyond.”

  “She’s the best,” Laila mumbled. She lifted her drink, took a big sip, handed the cup and pizza box to Hailey, and motioned her toward the back office with her head. “Can you tell her to sign whatever paperwork is left and to sit tight for a few minutes?”

  “Will do,” Hailey said.

  “So sorry things happened the way they did,” Laila said in that slow, odd drawl. As Hailey disappeared into the back, she lowered her voice. “The girls thought you were this woman who’s a known shoplifter around here, and I—”

  “Didn’t think to give me the benefit of the doubt?”

  “You look alike, and from what I hear you haven’t been around the mall as much lately, so I didn’t know … ” Laila rubbed her left arm for a moment longer than seemed necessary. “I really feel just awful about the whole situation.”

  The part of me that wanted to say, I’m sure you do, particularly after finding out you behaved so badly in front of the wife of a local media figure, turn and head out the door, never to return, was stopped by the sight of Tara peeking through the open doorway just out of Laila’s view.

  “She really does feel awful,” Tara said quietly.

  “Mortified, really.” Perspiration now dotted Laila’s forehead. “I hope you’ll accept my apologies by allowing me to honor all the discounts you have and give you an additional ten percent off on the entire purchase.”

  Tara gave a thumbs-up and disappeared as quickly as she’d appeared.

  I didn’t expect to have an encounter with Laila again. I definitely wouldn’t have expected her to be so contrite, even knowing I wasn’t exactly a garden-variety shopper. That she offered to accept all my coupons plus 10%, however, could only be called a suitable apology. “Thank you.”

  “It’s the least I can do.” She took my pile of merchandise to the workspace beside her, picked up a cuff bracelet, and began to ring. “I guess I didn’t expect the wife of Frank Finance to be fumbling for coupons.”

  That made two of us.

  “I happened to have them, so I figured I might as well use them.”

  “Your husband’s really handsome,” she said with a slurry giggle. “It must be cool being married to a celebrity.”

  From the moment Frank smiled at me on my first day as a summer intern at the TV station, I’d been dazzled. And dazzled I’d remained, not only by his presence both on and off camera, but by the access and admiration that came from being his date, girlfriend, and then wife. Any downside to being public persona adjacent was far outweighed by the benefits. Until recently, anyway.

  “It has its moments.”

  She covered her mouth and stifled what seemed to be a belch. “This probably isn’t one of them.”

  I managed a tight smile. “All’s well that ends well.”

  “My friend Shoshanna from Whimsies almost got fired for not recognizing the Shoplifter, so even with all the surveillance cameras we have around here”—she rubbed her temples—“we have to be extra diligent.”
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br />   “Are you okay?”

  “Stress.” She looked down. “I swear it’s making me dizzy.”

  You don’t say? I didn’t say as she finally looked back up and picked up the beaded hoop earrings I’d selected for Eloise.

  “They’ll look just great on you with the gold highlights in your hair.”

  Laila seemed truly distraught, or at least very intent on making amends, so I didn’t have the heart to tell her they were for my demographically appropriate stepdaughter. Instead, I focused on the multiple deductions appearing on the register as she rang up my pile of braided belts, floral hairclips, multi-strand necklaces, patterned tights, lace back tunics …

  “Your grand total with tax and all discounts,” Laila smiled, “is $91.69.”

  I reached into my purse for the crisp hundred I’d earmarked for my back to school holiday shopping. “That’s just wonderful.”

  “You can get another ten percent off if you sign up for the Eternal Card.5”

  Since Griff had outed my not-so-secret identity, there was no reason not to make the best of the situation and save another eight or so dollars. “What do you need?”

  Laila blinked a few times like she had something in her eyes. “Just your driver’s license.”

  “Laila,” Tara’s voice came over the phone intercom as I thumbed my ID from the protective plastic slot in my wallet and handed it over. “There’s a call for you.”

  “Take a message.” Laila smiled, hopefully not already in the midst of calculating the disparity between my birth date and claimed age of under forty.

  “It’s Richard.”

  “Tell him … tell him I’ll call him back.”

  “He says it’s urgent.”

  Laila’s smile faded. “I’m afraid I have to take this.” She turned for the back office. “I’ll only be a second. Please don’t go anywhere.”

  I couldn’t, even if I’d wanted to, since she disappeared holding my driver’s license.