Black Thursday Page 3

  The camera panned away from Anastasia and onto a scene that looked like a winter barn raising—complete with bundled-up shoppers lined up alongside the farm mural running the length of the concrete building.

  “With the prices we’re hearing about on everything from appliances to big entertainment systems, it’s no wonder shoppers are clamoring to leave their cozy spots by the fire and bring the whole family out for the Thursday night bargains.”

  The next thing I knew I’d been guided/moved/gently shoved onto my X.

  “Remember to look at Stasia, not the camera,” Frank whispered.

  A bead of perspiration rolled from the nape of my neck down my spine.

  “With me today is Maddie Michaels, better known to many of you as local bargain hunting maven Mrs. Frugalicious.”

  To say my life flashed before my eyes would be a little overstatement and a lot Gerald-style cliché, but for one never-ending second, everything went white. Everything, that is, except the red-hot feeling in my ears and the sight of Frank reminding me to smile by pressing up the corners of his mouth with his thumb and forefinger.

  I tried to force the panic stiff muscles in my face to follow suit as Anastasia continued:

  “I love a good deal and I’m all for a fun family outing to help burn off that turkey and pie, but when I look at all the people gathered out here, frankly I’m awestruck and, I have to admit, a little overwhelmed …”

  With the word overwhelmed, I locked my knees to keep them from buckling. I willed myself to not think about my disastrous turn as Alice in Wonderland. If only I’d practiced my lines in front of someone instead of the mirror. If only I’d been prepared to take on a lead role …

  “It’s all a matter of preparation,” I finally said.

  To my complete surprise, my voice didn’t crack in the slightest.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see people waving from the line, including my friend and business contemporary Wendy Killian from Here’s the Deal magazine.

  “Knock ’em dead!” Barb whisper-screamed from the sidelines.

  Imagine the viewers are a group of friendly supporters, Frank had said during the drive over.

  Fact was, they already were.

  “Black Friday is a big, crazy shopping day and it starts earlier every year,” I heard come out of my dry mouth. “But if you do your homework and come ready to get what you came for at the lowest prices, it’s by far the best.”

  My smile morphed from forced to real when I caught sight of someone holding a sign: GO MRS. FRUGALICIOUS!

  “You don’t have to be a seasoned bargain hunter to take advantage of the incredible deals out there tonight if you follow these steps …”

  I hadn’t had time to panic about being on camera until I was about to go live, but instead of freezing completely, somehow I felt my shoulders relax, noted my hands were indeed at my sides, and realized I kind of liked the opportunity to reach an audience much wider than the band of dedicated bargain shoppers who frequented my site.

  “To start,” I said, with what felt like a little louder than normal voice, “go through all of the newspaper ads, online sites, and price-comparison phone apps ahead of time and figure out what you want to buy, where to go to get it, and in what order. Once you figure out where you’re headed, ‘like’ those retailers on social media sites and sign up for their email lists to get extra coupons and last-minute deals.”

  Anastasia nodded thoughtfully.

  “And don’t limit yourself to the big-name chains. Some of the very best doorbuster deals this year are at stores like Bargain Barn, where you can combine Black Friday prices with Small Business Saturday shopping for a true win-win.”

  “All on Thursday night.”

  “Exactly.” I smiled.

  “So, figure out what you want, what you’re going to pay, and the best place to go to buy it?”

  “And be sure to bring copies of those ads so you know you’re getting the right price, especially at stores offering to match or beat competitors’ prices,” I said. “Mainly though, you need to make sure you’re comparing apples to apples. A big-screen TV that comes bundled with a video game system and DVD player may be a better value than a bigger TV that costs less at another store.”

  “Good advice,” Anastasia said. “And what about preparing for the actual shopping itself ?”

  I couldn’t believe it, but I was feeling a lot more like a seasoned professional than the almost-ex-wife of one. “If you’re going to snag a highly sought after item or three, you’re going to be out there for the long haul, so make your wait as comfortable as possible by bringing lawn chairs, blankets, coffee, water, snacks, and even games.” As I stopped to take a surreptitious breath, Eloise gave me the thumbs up. “I also suggest you bring along fellow shoppers who are as excited as you are about Black Friday and leave those grouchy spouses home with the potentially whiny kids and sleepy babies who will only slow you down.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Anastasia said, having noted the THEY’RE READY INSIDE someone had jotted on a piece of paper and held up for her. “Thank you for that enlightening and incredibly useful information, Mrs. Frugalicious.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  Anastasia smiled broadly. Her smile grew that much bigger when the camera faded to black. “I knew you’d be a natural.”

  “Atta girl!” Joyce said, rushing over to envelop me in a hug.

  “Terrific!” Barb said, trailing behind them.

  “Wow!” Frank said, nodding. “Way better than even I expected.”

  _____

  Even though I may have omitted a helpful tip or two 9 in the midst of it all, I pretty much felt, well … if not like I was a natural, at least totally energized by the first part of my interview and excited for what was still to come.

  Spending Thanksgiving with my estranged husband’s family was a definite departure from my original plan, but so was Black Friday in general. As such, having them along wasn’t an entirely bad thing in that I had a bargain posse10 made up of more than just Eloise. And Frank, despite all the water under our bridge, had really helped relieve what could have been a crippling case of stage fright.

  Any other lingering concerns about the evening, including possible negative fallout from Contrary Claire’s short-lived gripe, also began to fade with Awesome Alan Bader’s warm greeting at the side entrance of Bargain Barn. Not to mention the sheer exhilaration when he led us inside a store empty of shoppers. A store overstocked to the rafters with everything from closeout auto parts to zebra-striped, wall-to-wall carpeting.

  “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate having you folks here.” Alan’s eyes sparkled with a giddy, almost boyish excitement. “For once, the big-box outfits have to compete against us!”

  I’d never actually met Alan in person, but felt I knew him from our friendly, borderline-flirtatious business conversations. That and his trademark commercials, which featured him—slick, stocky, and definitely cocky and always in a Bargain Barn polo—standing next to some prized horse, cow, or sheep and whatever appliance or furniture item he was trying to push. With his firm handshake, I was struck by how much better-looking he was in person. His hair, which I’d assumed to be dyed brown, was really salt and pepper. His signature gold bracelet and necklace, which seemed to shimmer on camera, were more smart than showy in real life. He was also a little shorter, but at least ten pounds thinner (confirming that old adage about TV and making me happy to have made my onscreen debut at an all-time low weight).

  “How about we get you on camera before things get rolling, Alan?” Anastasia asked.

  “Impromptu interviews aren’t for me.” He flashed a smile at me. “I think I’ll leave the commentary to Maddie tonight.”

  “Don’t you think we should set up the camera beside the front doors and back to the right ten feet or so, then?” Frank asked.
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  Anastasia did a quick scan of Bargain Barn’s floor-to-ceiling, warehouse style aisles. “For starters.”

  “There’s an even better view of the front doors from over there.” Alan pointed toward the Customer Service counter where two salesgirls were putting out what had to be Black Friday maps 11 to help shoppers locate the specials set up throughout the store.

  “Deal maps, I presume?” I asked, as the camera crew headed that direction to set up.

  “For the specials advertised in the newspaper and some unadvertised discounts on smaller-ticket items we’ve placed throughout the store,” Alan said.

  “Eloise, would you mind grabbing a few so we can figure out how best to divide and conquer?”

  “No need,” Alan said before Eloise could turn for the front counter. “Just use your smartphone.”

  “You created a QR code 12 for tonight?” I asked, digging through my purse and locating my cell.

  “And by keying FRUGARMY into the passcode I set up, Mrs. Frugalicious followers will be directed to the layaway counter for the stereo system,” Alan said. “To sweeten the pot, they will get vouchers for another item of their choice without having to stand in a second line.”

  As in a double frugasm? “Seriously?”

  “Excluding the TV, which really wouldn’t be fair to other shoppers since the supply is limited.”

  “Makes sense,” Craig said. “I’ll wait in the TV line if someone will get the sound system for me.”

  “Not a problem,” Barb said. “As long as I can get two.”

  “Absolutely,” Alan said.

  “This is awesome,” I said.

  “Small token of my thanks for bringing the news crews and the shoppers here,” Alan said in a chipper voice.

  “Perfect,” Anastasia said. “We’ll be able to cover Mrs. Frugalicious, the Frugarmy, and the family shopping angles all at once.”

  “So I do get to be on camera?” Eloise asked.

  Frank put his arm around her. “Day full of unexpected surprises.”

  “Incredible ones,” I said. “But how will the Frugarmy know to—”

  “I posted a message on your website,” Alan said.

  “You did?” I asked with more concern in my voice than I’d intended.

  “About two hours ago.” He moved closer as I scrolled down my web page to the Comments and Last Minute Deals section where, thankfully, there was nothing but a big bold CHECK IN WITH YOUR SMARTPHONES AT BARGAIN BARN TONIGHT FOR A DEAL WAY TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!! PASSCODE: FRUGARMY.

  “Brilliant,” I said, as much about his offer as Eloise’s insistence I block Contrary Claire’s potentially toxic commentary. It must have been mere seconds before Alan logged onto my website.

  He smiled. “I thought so.”

  “The Frugarmy will love it,” I couldn’t help but notice how good he smelled, in that woodsy/spicy/soapy kind of a way. “Thank you, Alan.”

  Our eyes met. “My pleasure.”

  “We need to get cracking,” Frank said, turning to Anastasia. “Don’t we?”

  Alan furrowed his brow in what I could swear was an expression of why exactly is he here tonight, anyway? Anastasia looked up from her own cell phone at the sign marked Layaway with an arrow pointing toward the back left corner of the store. “So the Frugarmy line will form where?

  “In Small Appliances. It’ll switchback as necessary through the back aisles.”

  She pointed to the main corridor, which was lined with dishwashers, refrigerators, and ranges. “Any chance we could direct the line down one of the central thoroughfares instead?”

  “They are way more open,” Frank added. “For the camera and everything.”

  “Technically, that could impede other lines like the Blu-ray players also in that part of the store,” Alan said. “But I suppose we could direct the Frugarmy line around toward the access aisle once it winds in and out of Linens.”

  Anastasia, despite wearing spiked heels, jogged down the main corridor of the store to the spot halfway to the back, where it intersected the center aisle. She looked around, turned back toward us, and nodded. “Works for me.”

  _____

  “This is fabulous!” Anastasia said watching the sea of shoppers rush through the front doors and immediately jostle for position. “Pure insanity.”

  “More like organized chaos,” I said, watching a group of women confer over a Black Friday map, make assignments amongst themselves, and set off in different directions.

  On Anastasia’s cue and with the camera rolling, I walked over to Customer Service, picked up a map, pretended to consult it, and headed toward the Frugarmy line in Small Appliances. A line that, thanks to Bargain Barn’s last-minute message on MrsFrugalicious.com, already spanned the length of the aisle, wound into Linens, and would soon be curling into the center corridor bisecting the store.

  Alan (after some light arm-twisting by me) agreed to make a cameo at the register. He stood poised to ring up Customer #1 (who just happened to be Eloise). With the cameraman’s nod, she gave her hair a meaningful flip and pretended to transact what were really my purchases. Barb, Gerald, and a suspiciously laugh-line-free Joyce smiled gleefully from behind her.

  Anastasia and I stood to the left of the Layaway counter and provided color commentary.

  “The most important thing to do on Black Friday is stick to your game plan,” I said. “If you’ve done your research and have your shopping posse with you, there’s no reason you shouldn’t leave with most of the big items crossed off your list at the smallest possible prices.” I felt like the crown princess of bargain shoppers, speaking to the TV audience but addressing the countenances of my loyal Frugarmy. “This isn’t the time to worry about stocking stuffers and odds and ends that will just bog you down. Those half-off fuzzy slippers and sparkly holiday earrings will most likely be there early next week when the crowds have thinned, but that flat-screen TV definitely won’t.”

  “Terrific!” Anastasia said, as the camera panned onto the people queued up behind the Michaels clan. “Next, we get customer reaction shots.”

  “Be there in a sec,” I said as Anastasia, Frank, and the crew swung around to interview random shoppers at the less-crowded back of the line. Instead of following them, I headed straight down the aisle to meet and greet fans, friends, and clients like L’Raine, my former massage therapist, and Mrs. Piggledy, who, as a former big-top performer and co-owner of one of my favorite stores, Circus Circus, was both.

  It took a full ten minutes of hellos and handshakes to work my way to them, just behind an end cap filled with toasters.

  “Maddie!” Mr. Piggledy, her round, ruddy husband (made all the rounder by his bright red holiday sweater), appeared beside his wife. He gave me a big, squishy hug. “You’re a star!”

  “I don’t know about that,” I said.

  “Well we certainly think so,” he said, handing a customer pick-up voucher to his wife. “We have a brand-new, state-of-the-art TV being delivered next week—thanks to you!”

  “You have to be reveling in this wonderful manifestation of your hard work as Mrs. Frugalicious.” Mrs. Piggledy was equally ample and, despite an affinity for flowing tops, denim skirts, and New Age rhetoric, bore more than a passing resemblance to Mrs. Claus. She gave me an even warmer embrace. “I knew that crazy person’s note wouldn’t keep anyone away from here tonight.”

  “I …” I looked to make sure Alan, who’d also stopped to press the flesh with a few customers after passing the register job off to real cashier, was out of earshot of Mrs. Piggledy’s high but resonant voice. I lowered mine. “I was a little worried about that.”

  “No need. It wasn’t up on the website long enough.” A boxy-looking woman of about forty with a sweet face, bobbed hair, and neon pink sneakers who stood behind them embraced me as well. “I’m so excited to meet you in person, Mrs. Fru
galicious. I’m a big fan.” She took a camera out of her bag. “I can’t believe my husband is in the TV line missing this! Will you take a picture with me so I can show him I met you?”

  “Of course,” I said.

  She was about to hand the camera off to Mr. Piggledy when Frank appeared beside me. “How about I do the honors?”

  “Frank Finance?” she said handing him the camera and swinging her arm around my shoulder. “OMG! I never expected to see you tonight! Aren’t you two—”

  Before I could pull him aside, look into the whites of his eyes, and confirm my suspicion—that he truly had been taken over by a kinder, gentler, more faithful being from a different dimension—Frank’s cell phone chirped the theme song to the old seventies sitcom All in the Family.

  “Looks like my mom needs me for something or another,” he said, answering the call.

  “And I need Maddie.” Anastasia appeared beside us. “We’re done getting shopper feedback and I have to take a quick potty break. Can you go with the cameraman so he can get tape of you in the voucher redemption line?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll be right there and we’ll move on to interview folks loading goodies into their cars.”

  The next thing I knew, Anastasia had taken off toward the restrooms, Frank had joined his family, and I was being filmed pretending to wait for my purchases at merchandise pickup.

  Resisting the urge to smile.

  Feeling more hopeful about my career and future than I’d been since before …

  A loud, booming crash echoed across the store.

  9 . E.g., check in via smartphone when you get to wherever you’re shopping. Some stores have extra discounts just for mobile shoppers. Also, the all-important Black Friday is a bonanza for bargain shoppers, but no deal is worth carrying a balance on your credits cards until this time next year. Spend wisely!