Black Thursday Read online

  As for MrsFrugalicious.com, I will only be gaining what I hope will be many more bargain shoppers looking to save money and share tips from the increased exposure.

  I am truly sorry you’ll miss the festivities. It’s going to be a Black Friday to remember.

  “Maddie?” Eloise, my stepdaughter, opened the French doors, rushed into the room, and filled my office with her fruity-floral perfume and usual sense of mild exasperation. “How long were the pies supposed to stay in the oven?”

  “The pies?” I repeated, distracted by whether I should end by taking the high road with a Happy Thanksgiving or just sign off.

  “Joyce said you said they needed to warm up together,8 but that the pumpkin pie—”

  “Is supposed to be served chilled or at room temperature.”

  Her dark, shiny curls bounced as she shook her head. “Not according to her.”

  “Oh dear,” I said. “I’ll be there as soon as I post this response.”

  “To that weird Contrary Claire person?”

  “Unfortunately she decided tonight is some sort of marketing boondoggle and announced it on the website.”

  “No way!” Eloise looked over my shoulder at the monitor. “Why are you bothering to respond?”

  “I’m just worried people will read it or—”

  “Just delete what she wrote.”

  “Delete it?” For the sake of fair blog journalism and a firm belief that by sharing and comparing bargaining tips everyone came out ahead, I’d never considered censoring anyone.

  Even Contrary Claire.

  Not her response to my Thanksgiving shopping tips: Sure, some stores offer a free frozen turkey with $50 minimum purchase, but what they don’t tell you is they’re so deep frozen you could miss Thanksgiving waiting for the bird to thaw.

  Not her opinion about my Halloween savings post, in which I advised readers to consider less-expensive types of candy: There’s nothing gained by buying off-brands. The kids don’t like them, they scare off the parents, and chances are the treats will just end up in the trash.

  Not her objection to a tip I’d passed along from the manager at an upscale women’s chain, who told me it was company policy to accept all discount coupons for up to five days past the expiration date: Didn’t work for me.

  “Everything she said is totally lame,” Eloise said.

  “Other than she may have a point about online versus traditional shopping.”

  “She can’t know for sure if she’s not at Bargain Barn to compare,” Eloise said with a touchingly sympathetic hand to the hip. “Right?”

  “True.”

  “So press the delete button.”

  “I’m not really sure I—”

  “Want a bunch of crazy lies on your web page?”

  The pungent aroma of burning pie came wafting in from the direction of the kitchen.

  “You better hurry and delete the comment,” she said, “or there goes all the dessert.”

  “I suppose you’re right.” I sighed. “But I have no idea how …”

  Eloise reached around me and began to tap away on my keyboard. “Simple.”

  _____

  “I just can’t believe anyone would write anything so mean-spirited.” Barb, no stranger to mean-spiritedness herself, shook her head.

  “Cyber bully,” Craig said.

  “What goes around comes around,” Gerald, who seemed to have a new penchant for clichés and catchphrases, mumbled through bites of extra-crispy apple pie.

  Joyce eyed the plate of food she’d left out for me that I wasn’t even pretending to pick at. “Why don’t I just pop that in the microwave for you and—”

  “That’s okay,” I said quickly, watching melting whipped cream drip down the burnt crust of the warm pumpkin pie she’d also placed in front of me upon my return to the table. “I’m afraid I’ve sort of lost my appetite for now.”

  “You know, Mom,” FJ said. “Everything that wacko writes can be blocked.”

  “Probably not a bad idea,” I said. “At least for tonight.”

  “We can make it so no comments can post without your approval,” Trent added.

  “That might be going too far,” I said. “If I have to review and approve everything that comes in before it posts, my followers could miss a time-sensitive tip or deal.”

  “A missed deal is nothing if your personal safety is compromised,” Joyce said. As Gerald, Craig, and Barb nodded in agreement, Frank furrowed his brow with what looked to be sincere concern.

  “I can’t imagine the woman is dangerous,” I said. “She probably just has personal issues and goes online to vent and maybe escape real life.”

  “Escape is rarely the solution to dealing with life’s little bumps in the road,” Joyce said.

  “Tempting though it may be,” Barb added.

  They shared a not-at-all surreptitious glance.

  Before I could begin to process, much less respond, to their less than subtle statement about Frank’s bad behavior and show of support for me, my real text alert pinged in apparent agreement.

  The room fell quiet.

  “Is it CC?” Trent asked.

  A legion of nervous butterflies fluttered in my gut as I fished the phone from my pocket praying it wasn’t an irate Contrary Claire, a freaked out Awesome Alan, or anyone else who might have been ruffled by the now-deleted post.

  Anastasia Chastain scrolled across the display.

  “Phew,” I managed.

  “Who is it?” Frank asked.

  Not only wouldn’t Frank suggest me for an on-air moment, my glib, camera-ready, soon-to-be-ex could barely crack a strained smile when I first mentioned I’d been invited to step out of the sidelines and into the TV spotlight—a spotlight I’d been only too happy to see shine on him all these years. Had we not been separated, I’d have been sensitive to his ego and asked for his blessing before accepting an offer to so much as mention Mrs. Frugalicious on any station, much less his.

  Then again, times had changed.

  “Anastasia,” I simply said.

  “Gotcha,” he said, but with no sign of a grimace or scowl.

  Having left my glasses atop my head, I didn’t have an excuse to leave the room again, so I simply looked down and read the text:

  Need you at bargain barn an hour early, ready for an interview.

  With the word interview, a band of perspiration broke out at the base of my neck. I’d expected to play shopper with Anastasia providing the color commentary, not speak on camera beyond providing a quick sound bite or two.

  “What is it?” Frank asked.

  “She wants me there an hour early so she can interview me before the store opens.”

  “That’s terrific!” Joyce said.

  “Cool, Mom,” FJ said.

  “Figures Stasia would come up with a way to capitalize on the airtime.” Frank actually smiled. “Gotta love that girl’s ingenuity.”

  I dabbed at the beads of sweat that broke out across my forehead as well and forced my thoughts away from the recent past and onto my near future. “I should start getting ready.”

  “Will we all be on camera?” Eloise turned to check her reflection in the antique mirror that hung behind her. “Or just you?”

  “I assume whoever’s shopping with me will end up on camera.”

  “Maybe I should get ready soon too then.”

  “You’re coming with?” I’d been Eloise’s stepmother since she was a preschooler. I thought of her as my own, but I assumed she’d prefer to be home with the rest of the family she rarely got to see, instead of out all night with just me.

  “I thought it might be fun.”

  “I’d love to have you along!” I said. “I could really use a helper.”

  “I’m thinking I’ll tag along too.” Craig raised
an eyebrow. “I’d like one of those flat-screen TVs in my entertainment room.”

  “That’s great,” I said, not nearly as enthusiastically as I had to Eloise, and not wanting to think about what playboy Craig defined as entertainment.

  “Can we hang at home and watch football?” Trent asked.

  “We could keep an eye on the kids after they go to bed, too. Unless you want us to come with,” FJ, the more sensitive of my sons, offered.

  “No need,” Frank said, as I’d have expected. He loved to encourage the boys, who were something of standouts on their high school football team, to watch the pros play whenever possible.

  I didn’t expect what he said next.

  “I’m coming with too.” He turned and made direct eye contact with me for the first time in months. “To help make sure they show your best angles and all that.”

  “I …” I was flabbergasted. He was well aware of the stage fright that had kept me from ever considering an on-air gig. He’d learned of it back when I’d served briefly as an intern at the station, fallen hard for him, and ended up married with twins—though not necessarily in that order.

  “It’s the least I can do,” he said.

  Even though there was no one more qualified, I hadn’t considered asking for his assistance. Or anticipated his company …

  “This is all so exciting.” Joyce stood and started clearing the table. “Better get things cleaned up quickly so we’ll be ready on time.”

  “You’re coming along?”

  “I just love a good deal,” Joyce, whose idea of discount shopping was the reduced rack at Neiman Marcus, added.

  “Really?” I asked, more than a little surprised.

  “We’re hoping you’ll take us on a field trip to the grocery store while we’re here,” Barb said.

  “Really?” I asked again.

  “We want some pointers on how to do that extreme coupon grocery shopping.”

  “Nothing wrong with saving where you can.” Joyce removed Gerald’s plate just as he’d finished his last bite of pie. “Which is why we can’t wait to experience our first Black Thursday!”

  1. From my Thrifty, Thrilling Thanksgiving blog: There are four main ways to save on holiday groceries. 1. Coupon: If it’s on your shopping list, there’s probably a coupon for it in your Sunday paper, online, or via an app. 2. Buy in Bulk: Save big by picking up staples like butter, flour, sugar, and milk in bulk. 3. Buy Seasonal: Seasonal produce is cheaper, fresher, and suits the spirit of the holiday. 4. Shop Smart: Be sure to look for loss leaders and cherry-pick the best deals from each store. Keep in mind, the real cost of a meal isn’t the turkey, but the little extras you pay too much for at the last minute.

  2. Size Matters: Turkey experts recommend an 8–12 lb. turkey for 2–4 people, a 12–16 lb. turkey for 5–7 people, a 16–20 lb. turkey for 8–10 people, and a 20–24 lb. turkey for 11–13 guests. These estimates allow for some leftovers, so there is no need to waste money by upsizing.

  3. While it’s tempting to play hostess-with-the-Thanksgiving-mostest by making complicated, costly dishes, only turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce are “must-haves.” Consider what’s already in your pantry and keep it simple. If a recipe calls for a spice you don’t have and don’t expect to use much of again, you’re probably better off looking for a substitute that’s already in your pantry or skipping that recipe entirely.

  4. Cooking from scratch is less expensive and (usually) tastier than anything you can buy ready-made.

  5. Instead of store-bought Thanksgiving accents, go natural! Fall leaves and branches, acorn squash, pinecones, and other fall fruits that can be eaten later make attractive low-cost or even free décor.

  6. Froo-gaz-m (n.): A particularly satisfying bargain.

  7. If there is an item from the Black Friday ads on your list, you may not have to wait until Black Friday to get it. Some stores will mark the item down in the days leading up to the big night. If it works, you can make your way through the sea of carts grabbing other bargains.

  8. Save energy costs by making sure any items that call for similar baking temperatures go into the oven at the same time

  two

  I certainly didn’t expect this particular evening to be quite the way it was turning out, but despite a moonless night and the threat of snow flurries, a substantial crowd was already lined up along the sidewalk in front of Bargain Barn and weaving its way around the side of the building.

  Anastasia was there when I arrived. She greeted me outside the news van with a makeup-preserving air kiss and gave my casual-yet-camera-friendly ensemble of dark pea coat, mauve silk blouse, black slacks, and matching accent scarf an approving once over. “I’d say this divorce is agreeing with you.” She wrinkled her delicate, bobbed nose. “Except that those people heading in our direction look far too much like Frank not to be his parents.”

  We watched together as Eloise met up with Joyce, Gerald, Barb, and Craig, who’d followed us over to Bargain Barn in a second car.

  “Not to mention his brother and sister.” We weren’t friends exactly, but given Anastasia was Frank’s co-anchor apparent for Frank Finance, the now on-hold national version of his popular local show, and so she was well aware of the particulars of our collapsed marriage. There was no reason not to tell her the latest developments in my ongoing marital saga. “His whole family showed up for Thanksgiving.”

  She raised an expertly plucked eyebrow. “Seriously?”

  “Hard as that may be to believe.”

  Anastasia’s heavily sprayed blond bob stayed firmly in place as she shook her head. “I can’t believe you had them all for dinner, much less to tag along tonight.”

  “Lighting check,” someone from the crew said.

  Before I could explain that I hadn’t exactly invited them for either event, Frank materialized from the news van holding a makeup kit and sponge. “You’re a little shiny,” he said, dabbing my forehead like a seasoned makeup artist.

  “You could be a model!” Joyce said loudly, announcing the arrival of the Michaels gang. Her faux chinchilla coat (which I suspected wasn’t faux at all) made an even louder statement. “Couldn’t she?”

  “Thin enough to be.” Craig, whose taste in women ran to the pleasingly plump, scrunched his face a little.

  Barb offered her hand to Anastasia. “We’re here to watch Maddie’s big moment.”

  “And pick up some cool deals while we’re at it.” Craig shook hands as well but looked wistfully toward the burgeoning crowd in front of Bargain Barn.

  “None of this was my idea,” I managed to mouth from behind their heads.

  Anastasia gave me an it’s all good wink.

  “Maybe we should get in line and save a place for Maddie so she doesn’t miss out on anything while she’s being interviewed,” Craig added.

  “Great idea,” Joyce said.

  “No need,” Anastasia said. “Alan Bader is letting us in the employee door early to film the crowds entering, so you’ll be first in line.”

  “Awesome,” Craig said. “Maybe I’ll be able to get the TV and snag one of the sound systems.”

  “How can we be of help in the meantime?” Joyce reached into her oversized purse and pulled out two water bottles, a box of granola bars, and a pack of gum. “Anyone need a snack?”

  “Ready when you are, Stasia,” the cameraman said.

  “Why don’t you just watch and enjoy?” Frank, always the consummate professional (at least where his job was concerned) immediately whisked his family over to a spot behind the camera.

  “They’re all on their very best behavior,” I whispered.

  “No surprises there.” Anastasia led me over to two X marks taped to the cement and stood on hers. “You ready?”

  My pounding heart certainly wasn’t. The firs
t and last time I’d been on stage, much less in front of a camera, was in elementary school when I’d tried out to play the Dormouse but instead been cast as Alice in the third grade play. Needless to say, my understudy, Suzie Shultz, had taken over after the first performance—a memory I’d somehow managed to suppress until now. “I …”

  “You’re going to do great,” Frank said, returning to my side. “Just remember—”

  “Feet shoulder-width apart, arms to your sides, lean slightly forward,” Eloise said in a dead-on imitation of the instructions Frank had repeated ad nauseam on the drive over. “And speak a little louder and a lot slower than normal.”

  “Exactly,” Frank said, handling being teased better than expected. “And put your cell on silent.”

  “Will do,” I managed, managing to at least get the ringer on my phone turned off.

  “I’ll introduce the segment and introduce you,” Anastasia said. “Then you take it from there.”

  “Great.” My knees began to tremble.

  “The camera senses fear,” Frank whispered, “so think happy thoughts.”

  Happy thoughts …

  Even though it was in my nature to be upbeat and generally positive, somehow I couldn’t think about much of anything but that camera lens staring at me with its one skeptical eye.

  I was thankful, however, that I’d doubled up my Lady Speed Stick with an extra swipe of Secret when the light went on and Anastasia instantly transformed from rosy-cheeked and pretty into a luminous, poised, intelligent beauty.

  She leaned slightly forward, just as Frank had directed me, and assumed an expression of confident, serene intelligence. “While many of us haven’t even started to fight over the wishbone, savvy local shoppers looking to cash in on early-bird bargains have already set up camp, quite literally, outside local retailers …”